Don’t Go There

Don’t compare your life to what you see in magazines, or the social media feeds of people who promote super greens powders for smoothie bowls. In particular, don’t do this if you have kids, and refrain even harder if the image you’re looking at also features kids. Your spawn will, inevitably, be less clean, less angelic and much more haphazardly styled. There’s no way you can win.

For example, I just saw an editorial on ‘family home ideas’ in a fashion interiors magazine. In one shot, a baby was being bathed in what seemed to a rustic brass milk bucket. To really amp up the farmhouse chic, there was an expensive-looking linen cloth printed with cows artfully draped on the clean, dry, duck egg blue tiles.

Now, compare this scene to the real-life reality of bathing a baby. I don’t know about you, but in my house, this typically involves a faded plastic tub, an assortment of cheap and garish plastic toys, and a Telly Grubbies towel that once belonged to big sister. Thanks to hubby being an enthusiastic DIY bathroom renovator, the over-sink cupboard is without a door, and the toiletries on display paint a mildly unflattering image of our bathroom activities.

In magazines and such, cupboards are rarely ajar, except to reveal a beautifully arranged selection of Turkish towels or some perfectly matched designer cookware. Honestly, don’t even get me started on how kitchens are portrayed. I mean, I don’t know when wall-to-wall liquor cabinets and underlit benches became popular in custom kitchen design. Melbourne homes just don’t look like that – at least, not the ones that I’ve seen.

My kitchen is styled around chewed-on sippy cups, and fridge magnets from exotic locations such as the Big Banana. These hold up drawings of slightly ominous red squiggles, vet receipts and letters from school principals wanting to know why Melissa had peanuts with her again. And I’m just fine with that, thank you.