Well isn’t this exciting! We’ve got our first two-racer elimination already. Welcome to the second day of the Parking Lot Cup, where we shall determine the fate of Earth. If the humans defeat Nitrous Dioxyde, our planet will not be turned into a giant space parking lot. Let’s hope the contestants can get it done.
I’m Tybalt Way, and with me is my co-host, Harold McGillon, who will be typing in italics, as usual. Yesterday, in the first qualifying race, Liz Lime and Justin Bane tied for second place, behind the outrageously talented Emmet O’Brick. Now those two racers will go head-to-head, with the loser instantly incinerated by lasers! Are you ready for this, Harold?
It’s just Harry, thanks. Anyway, I most certainly am ready. And the lights have gone green to start the race. Justin Bane, who knows how to deal with blocked drains near Thornbury, races ahead, but what’s this? Liz Lime hasn’t even started her engine yet! What’s the problem here?
Bane is going to show her absolutely no mercy. He’s a professional plumber with a mission. The lasers are heating up, ready to zap Liz Lime as soon as Bane crosses that finish line the third time. He’s already finished one lap, and Liz Lime is still just sitting there. She doesn’t even look concerned. Does she have some sort of death wish? Over to you, Hellen.
Hellen? Why would you think my name is Hellen? Oh, whatever. He’s a professional blocked sewer cleaner, Melbourne born and bred, and he’s showing no sign of slowing down. Wait a minute, Liz Lime is finally starting her engine, just as Justin Bane finishes his second lap.
Interesting tactic. It seems Liz Lime is going in reverse, driving over the finish line, then going back over it again. She is literally “crossing the finishing line” three times in quick succession. What do the rules of the Parking Lot Cup say about this, Chuck?
It’s Harry. I’ve just checked the rulebook, and it doesn’t actually say anything about completing a whole lap. There are no checkpoints on these courses, a massive oversight if you ask me. It looks like, by the rules, Liz Lime wins this race!
And the lasers agree! Justin Bane reaches the finish line but is immediately zapped out of existence. Farewell, good plumber man! Congratulations to our winner, Liz Lime.