Wallpaper Woes

The woman had really done it now. She’d sent Maphira on a wild thought rant that wouldn’t stop no matter how many arbitrary time restrictions were put on her. Once she started thinking about the final trilogy of the Space Battles saga, there was no stopping her thoughts from spiralling out of control. She was going to see this mental rant through, dammit.

Where was she, again? Oh, that’s right. She was complaining to herself about how awful the final movie in the trilogy had been. The first time she’d seen it, she’d actually liked the thing! With her rose-tinted glasses on, she hadn’t noticed what a horrific mess it was. After watching some analysis videos and thinking about it over the next few weeks, her resentment for the film had only grown. Each day she hated it a little bit more.

Her hatred had gotten so distracting that she’d almost been kicked off the police force. Not that she would have minded that, since she would have been able to follow her dream of starting a business selling dinosaur wallpaper for children.

Personally, Maphira thought the blame for the movie being bad fell on James-Jackson Abraham. He’d been the director of the first movie and had employed his infamous mystery box storytelling method, where he introduced a whole bunch of mysteries without any answers planned. Then the next director took over and answered some of those questions. When James-Jackson came back for the third movie, he started retconning everything because he didn’t like the direction taken. It was all just a mess. 

One thing was for sure, though: nobody would have a wallpaper based on the final Space Battles movie in their room. Even she, an adult woman, would prefer to buy a dance wallpaper from a Melbourne store than one from that trash heap of a movie. 

What were they even thinking? With absolutely no foreshadowing, they brought back the primary antagonist of the series from the dead in the opening exposition of the movie. Maphira was no storytelling genius, but she knew that was a huge no. And then they just waved it away by having one of the main heroes say, “Somehow, Palantine has returned.” Like great job, you did it! 

It was just… so bad.